In words

I'll let you guys in on a tiny bit of my world.
That is, the life I lead in this world we share.
These, are my confessions.



I'd rather watch and observe rather than do the real thing.
In truth, I'm frightened of hurting myself or putting myself to shame. I figured that if I watch others go through the things I am about to do, perhaps I might learn something out of it and do better than them when it comes to my turn.


I have very strong opinions but I don't really sound them out in public.
As I have mentioned before in previous posts, I'm a analyst. I love to think and wonder about everything and anything. And most of the times, I come up with an opinion only I know of because I don't tell everyone what I think about all the time. It's like everyone around me is watching Astro when it's raining outside. They get cut off cause they don't get the signals(my thoughts) from my head. I could go around and speak less than 50 words a day, but I never have good days when I have a headache or worse, migrain. Why? Because I just can't think straight due to the pain.


I like being honest because I hate lies and liars.
Yet very often I have hurt many others whilst practising this particular habit of mine. Just recently I came clean with a friend, and I'm pretty sure I ended up disgusting the other party instead. Up till now, I wonder if we'll ever be the same friends we were again. Then there was another friend whom I've hurt yet again. Just because I was being selfish and I came clean too. Maybe white lies do help avoid getting others hurt.


I hate people who make fun, make jokes or 'shoot' people.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about voicing out opinions here. I'm talking about putting your friend down, calling your friend names. Basically, it's called "Negative Humour". Got to know about it from church and it's been a long while since it was first mentioned. I'll admit that I do use negative humour on others, I have and I certainly will do so in the future, but when it comes to a point where that person can't take anymore what are we to expect?? Why put someone else's day on the line just to utter some nonsensical sentence just for the sake of a few minutes of laughter?


I don't like being ordered around, but I don't like standing in the frontline leading others either.
All I can say is it's human nature. We'll always yearn for the oposite of what we have/get. When I'm on my piano I would only feel like singing, when I have straight hair I would want my hair to be wavy. I've led and been led. And I still can't seem to make up my mind as to whether I enjoy leading or being led.


I detest the sirens of ambulances.
The reason is quite obvious. I lost my eldest sister 4 years back, my grandma 3 years back and my granduncle 2 years back. Everytime I hear an ambulance approaching and as the siren grows louder by each second, I try my hardest not to cringe and run in the opposite direction. And it doesn't really help when the dogs start howling sometimes too.





Shall end the post here.
Part II will be up when I'm finished with it.


Don't forget to turn out the lights.