I'm moving to Tumblr. I'm sorry Blogger, this is where we part ways.
New URL : http://a-tad-byronic.tumblr.com/
I'll still keep this page, but will be using Tumblr most of the time. Sorry if this troubles you in any way.
Be safe everyone,
Sara
Where's the party?
Now playing.
Thursday, November 19
Friday, November 13
Letter #1
Dear Nutcrack,
Yes, nobody said it was easy but I never thought it'd feel as if things were this hard. I don't think even screaming therapy, ice cream, endless ranting sessions or anything would help. And of all times it's now that I finally realize there are no allies here, I am without companions; I am alone. You say we feel because we are human, then haven't you been trying to convince me to be anything but one since you keep saying we shouldn't dwell on all this feelings? I can surely tell you now that if your motive all this while was to strip me of my heartstrings and melt this ice wall I have been struggling so much to hold up; congratulations! It's time to pop that champagne bottle you have been saving for this very moment. Thank you for showing me the truth, and you can bet for certain I'll be stuck in this insanity for a sufficient period of time.
Yes, nobody said it was easy but I never thought it'd feel as if things were this hard. I don't think even screaming therapy, ice cream, endless ranting sessions or anything would help. And of all times it's now that I finally realize there are no allies here, I am without companions; I am alone. You say we feel because we are human, then haven't you been trying to convince me to be anything but one since you keep saying we shouldn't dwell on all this feelings? I can surely tell you now that if your motive all this while was to strip me of my heartstrings and melt this ice wall I have been struggling so much to hold up; congratulations! It's time to pop that champagne bottle you have been saving for this very moment. Thank you for showing me the truth, and you can bet for certain I'll be stuck in this insanity for a sufficient period of time.
Yours in solitude,
Frostbite
Frostbite
Thursday, November 5
Lowtide
"you´re in my mind
you´re in my heart
I wish I knew right from the start
all my friends said you´d break my heart
A heartbreaker right from the start"
- MSTRKRFT ft. John Legend singing "Heartbreaker"
Awesome song right there. Lyrics are the bomb too.
Everything is falling into place again. I guess things do settle down no matter how big a stirup it gets. I'm glad things are working out fine. Guess the tide(?) has gone down. Now the only thing that's missing is Ramen! Why oh why didn't Mumsy get those packets of Shin instant noodles when she went grocery shopping? Whyyyyyyyyyy
p/s : Coming home with the bestie who's been MIA later today. I've missed you Jack! :D
"And we both go on wondering whether the other is gonna say something first."
Tuesday, November 3
This Moment
You know you're crazy when you have an assignment due today itself and the only thing you've typed on Notepad is the Front Page - which conveniently only took you 8 seconds for 4 lines - while you hope you can wake up at 7am in a little more than 6 hours' time to come up with 1500 words by comparing a news article and a news broadcast on customer satisfaction dropping in Singapore before leaving home to cross the causeway at 9am.
Or, maybe that's just me.
I really hope I pull this one off.
For any person whose profession has something to do with Journalism, you have my respect! One heck of a bother, it is. And having to get it done before the news gets out too. Crazy how you guys do it.
I'd like to see some fireflies, if you(anyone) please(s).
I really hope I pull this one off.
For any person whose profession has something to do with Journalism, you have my respect! One heck of a bother, it is. And having to get it done before the news gets out too. Crazy how you guys do it.
I'd like to see some fireflies, if you(anyone) please(s).
Sunday, October 18
Same old
I hate it that I'm receiving more than I seemed to have given. No, I'm not talking about receiving good stuff. I'd be a silly goat to think that because that's how we humans work. We want to take and take and take all the good stuff; leave the rest to the rest. I don't understand what's really going on as I thought the 'talking it over' part was, well, over.
Don't you hate it sometimes when you've apologized for your mistakes already and it's as though you hadn't at all?
I don't know how I really am to people anymore for now. And shit, although I know I've made a mistake even I myself feel it's unjust to make me feel like I haven't reflected and said sorry. The word 'shit' can't even begin to cover how I feel towards myself at this moment. I bet the next thing I'm gonna be accused of acting like I'm the victim. I have reasons as to why I do things a certain way, if an apology doesn't help make you feel better then what other shit do you want me to do this is really trying my patience and i really did apologize already gawd what else do you want from me ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
I have not cried for a while, and I refuse to. I refuse to give you the reaction you expect me to give you.
If this is all but a test, I have a feeling I might not pass it even.
Mayhap John Mayer will keep me distracted from my work of stupidity bah
New discovered fact about myself:
I don't use punctuations in my typed sentences when I'm upset.
"I'm never speaking up again; it only hurts me."
- My Stupid Mouth, John Mayer
Don't you hate it sometimes when you've apologized for your mistakes already and it's as though you hadn't at all?
I don't know how I really am to people anymore for now. And shit, although I know I've made a mistake even I myself feel it's unjust to make me feel like I haven't reflected and said sorry. The word 'shit' can't even begin to cover how I feel towards myself at this moment. I bet the next thing I'm gonna be accused of acting like I'm the victim. I have reasons as to why I do things a certain way, if an apology doesn't help make you feel better then what other shit do you want me to do this is really trying my patience and i really did apologize already gawd what else do you want from me ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
I have not cried for a while, and I refuse to. I refuse to give you the reaction you expect me to give you.
If this is all but a test, I have a feeling I might not pass it even.
Mayhap John Mayer will keep me distracted from my work of stupidity bah
New discovered fact about myself:
I don't use punctuations in my typed sentences when I'm upset.
"I'm never speaking up again; it only hurts me."
- My Stupid Mouth, John Mayer
Friday, October 16
Ugly
Have I changed?
To be insensitive; to be called a hypocrite by another; to not feel sorry for being honest but rather feel sorry as to not direct the comment at the person being commented on; to feel like the lowliest dumbass of friends when all I had in mind was to make good use of money invested in me.
You know what the irony is? All this while I've been trying my hardest to trust others but this time I'm the one who has made someone lose their trust in me. And for now, just for now, I loathe the word.
"So scared of getting old, I'm only good at being young."
- John Mayer
To be insensitive; to be called a hypocrite by another; to not feel sorry for being honest but rather feel sorry as to not direct the comment at the person being commented on; to feel like the lowliest dumbass of friends when all I had in mind was to make good use of money invested in me.
You know what the irony is? All this while I've been trying my hardest to trust others but this time I'm the one who has made someone lose their trust in me. And for now, just for now, I loathe the word.
"So scared of getting old, I'm only good at being young."
- John Mayer
Wednesday, October 14
Fourteenth of October Two-Oh-Oh-Nine
"Round and round we go once again.
Where does it go, is there an end?"
Happy Birthday Mama.
THE crazy big fat Mama who said 'If I were crazy, you are too!" for every time I called her that. I miss your silly sayings - "Kencing kencing kencing" when nature called; "Mama die then you know" when you wanted to have our sweets even though you were diabetic - when you were still around. Your coin-purse is still full with your coins, I can't bear the thought of using your money cause you always made me pay you back every last cent I borrowed from you. I wish I could put on your socks for you one last time before you went to sleep at night or even put on the marching gloves I used for school just so you wouldn't be cold like the day I last heard you call me.
No, I won't cry about the time I made you and Papa quarrel so bad that I thought either one of you wouldn't stay in the house anymore; I won't laugh about the times you and Uncle Black spoke about different things without even listening to the other talk; I won't giggle at your powder puff and your "Hwang Yew" medicated oil you used all the time; I won't miss smelling that weird smell that used to come out of your side of the cupboard we shared; I won't think about how you always asked Bishop James(at that time) to bless you whenever he said mass; I won't imagine running my hand through your curly white hair and how disgusting the way it was when you took off your dentures; I won't ask mummy for that old wedding photo of yourself and Gonggong you used to boast oh so proudly all the time to us that your grandfather owns a road in JB; I won't even start on the way your face lit up everytime you spoke about any of us as your grandchildren.
Where does it go, is there an end?"
Happy Birthday Mama.
THE crazy big fat Mama who said 'If I were crazy, you are too!" for every time I called her that. I miss your silly sayings - "Kencing kencing kencing" when nature called; "Mama die then you know" when you wanted to have our sweets even though you were diabetic - when you were still around. Your coin-purse is still full with your coins, I can't bear the thought of using your money cause you always made me pay you back every last cent I borrowed from you. I wish I could put on your socks for you one last time before you went to sleep at night or even put on the marching gloves I used for school just so you wouldn't be cold like the day I last heard you call me.
No, I won't cry about the time I made you and Papa quarrel so bad that I thought either one of you wouldn't stay in the house anymore; I won't laugh about the times you and Uncle Black spoke about different things without even listening to the other talk; I won't giggle at your powder puff and your "Hwang Yew" medicated oil you used all the time; I won't miss smelling that weird smell that used to come out of your side of the cupboard we shared; I won't think about how you always asked Bishop James(at that time) to bless you whenever he said mass; I won't imagine running my hand through your curly white hair and how disgusting the way it was when you took off your dentures; I won't ask mummy for that old wedding photo of yourself and Gonggong you used to boast oh so proudly all the time to us that your grandfather owns a road in JB; I won't even start on the way your face lit up everytime you spoke about any of us as your grandchildren.
None of all that, because you lived Mama. You lived. And for once I'd like for you to know that I'm darn well proud of you too. Rest well Mama, we love and miss you!
You describe me as a relaxed individual when you haven't even seen me get upset. I just hide it well that's all.
"I smile just because."
- John Mayer
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