Unbreakable

The cracks are showing
I can barely hide them
The harder I try to keep
The more composure I lose
But I will not let it control me
I am,
for as long as I can be,
unbreakable.

"Nobody said it was easy."
-The Scientist, Coldplay

My head is being pierced by thousands of spears

Okay I'm just kidding. But seriously, having a headache isn't something I'd hire bears to dance around my garden for(not that I have the finance to do that but whatever). No mood or brains to write something, so there. Woah it's saturday already?

Nightmares

A : Vicious-looking sheep bit at me and my clothes as my friends and I passed them by on a dark deserted road. One by one, I lost the whole group till I was one and on my own.

B : I lie flat, unable to move, as a mattress in a store. They just keep coming, an endless line of people sitting on me, testing the comfort I offer. And all I can do is to be an immobile statue and get sat on.

C : Hands reach into my covers and grab my legs as I slept on my bed. I lift my head and get ready to scream, but what I see is so horrible I can't find my voice.

D : Voices ring all around me. They come from all directions, urgent whispers and rushed words altogether, all fighting to be heard first. But as I look around, there's nothing but the dark.

E : Looking in a mirror and seeing something that shouldn't be there, there.

F : In the midst of brushing my teeth, a scary mask with an eerie laugh pops out from the door frame.

G : Walking across a busy road, I walk hand-in-hand with someone dear. All of a sudden, angry horns are blasting and the hand I'm holding onto is gone.

H : Sleeping right after an intense Chendol eating session, a huge green goo with chendol sticking out chases after me, screaming 'why did you eat meeeee".

I : Getting woken up in the middle of the night by the explosion of a gunshot outside the room, getting up and opening the door to both my parents lying face down on the floor, dead.

J : The time on my cell shows it's 11pm. Eleven at night. And yet it's as though no one's at home. I mean, sure, I'm home now and so is my maid and our 3 dogs. The koi fishes have gone for a short stay at dad's friend's place. Other than that, silence deafens my hearing. Everything's in place, but there's nothing at all.

So tell me,
which of the above scares you?;
which of the above seems hilarious?;
and which seems most likely to happen?.
Comments please.


"Tripping eyes and flooded lungs,
Northern downpour sends its love."
-Northern Downpour, Panic! At the Disco

Nots

As the song is cut off silence drowns its absence.

The bass line echoes, pounding through the empty room.

That face flashes by in my mind once more.

It's haunting yet I've gotten used to it by now.

I refuse to be affected,

refuse the need to reach out only to fall head first over disappointment.

The flowers are blooming in the garden.

Yet it's slowly being eaten up by the parasites that live off it.

Water does not drown me.

Fire does not burn me.

Earth does not bury me.

Metal does not hurt me.

Yet I am not invincible.

No, I am but a human.





Run outside and stare at the sky.
What do you see?

3 messages and a thought

Simple messages, they tend to say a lot. Or at least, to me they do.
I asked 3 very different individuals for something for my post, and here's what they wrote for me to copy and paste.


From Ceci :
"I LOVE YOU SARAAAAAAAAAAA !
xoxo, Cecilia. ;]"


From Suphatta :
"not a single salty tear.
not a feeling in my chest.
baby i'm feeling no stress.
i'm too fly to be depressed."


From Farhan :
"There's a girl,
I met not that recently,
I fell in love silently

Listen to my heart intently.
Its' beating alongside hers',
I have the tears,
Tears of joy I meant.
She's making my heart dent.

Hallucinations,
Filling by visions,
By missions,
By illusions.

I see images,
Photos,
Shapes,
Caricatures.
All and only hers'.

I am insane,
Criminally insane at that.
I wanna hug you so tight,
Never letting go,
Because as of now, you are my glow.

Embracing you in my arms,
Would be the perfect fairytale love story.
I've read it all in books,
Now its' time to put fiction to reality.
I'll love you indefinitely...

The wind,
Blowing through your hair.
Oh, I can just imagine,
How sweet you'll look.
And I'll just be staring at you,
That's' all I'll be able to do.
Cause' I'm mesmerized."


I noticed that Cecilia wrote hers for me, Suphatta wrote hers for herself and Farhan wrote his for someone else. It's interesting, that they wrote something for different people for a common receiver; me. In any case thank you Ceci, Phatta, and Couchie!



On the other hand,

Dying for something or someone to hold on to.

Uncertainty

Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to be a 'Fred' and have my own 'Judy'.
But in my case, it'll have to be the other way around.
"I'm not a stalker! Urgh." - funny dude, Fred is. A sad one too.
Then I chicken out when the phobia kicks in.
And I find myself awakening to reality once more.


What if I know I'm wasting time yet know not what to do?
What if I can't think of what I should do next?
What if I am afraid of being uncertain?
What if I don't took my next step?
What if I got it at my first try?
What if I had done better?
What if I tried harder?
What if I don't lie?
What if I cry?
What if?


Don't give up on me.
Not when there is so much I know I can do.
Don't stop believing that I'm trying.
Don't stop trying with me.


p/s : Cino is ill. I don't know what I can do to help. It's frustrating watching her like this.

"Why live life from dream to dream,
and dread the day when dreaming ends?"
-Satine

Facade

What is visible to one,
is merely a front being put up.
There's no telling what's real and what's not.
Because nothing is what it seems,
when there's more than meets the eye.

O, how hard rejection hits you when you bear expectations. It's challenging putting up a brave front for all the world to see. This is the time when no one is able to read how you really feel, because of this act you put on, this non-verbal lie you're telling others. You smile, barely, but still managing, while the people move away, thinking you're doing fine if not awesome. And this facade, it lives on.


"I don't care, I have no luck,
I don't miss you all that much."
-Torn, Natalie Imbruglia