Letter #000

Dearest, why do you insist on keeping every single thing to yourself? It is as if you are a tightly closed shell, unwilling to even leave room for some air in to breathe. You live in your own head, running in circles until you exhaust yourself only to have a breakdown and then the cycle repeats itself. Has there been no one who has expressed concern toward you? Or has just experiencing the world made you conclude that nobody should be given a chance to enter your own realm of thoughts and feelings? It must be depressing, this horrible recording you keep going through over and over in that depressing place! This shell of yours, or some would call a wall, when will it ever be pierced through? You find joy but you do not share and you feel sorrow yet you will not let it show, when in truth joy is multiplied when shared and sorrow is lightened when we confide in another. It is difficult to live in such a way, is it not? Give yourself a chance, give others a chance, give your life a chance! Come join the rest of us as we struggle to learn to live and deal, to desire and to yearn.

Come, let us all feed off the rest of humanity.

In recent times...

Lent has just passed, so has Easter.

My dog ran away from home last Friday into the rain since it was Good Friday and all. Rushed home from church and I searched for her in the rain to no avail. I couldn't find her anywhere, so that night I cried myself to sleep since I had a paper in the morning the next day.

It's a wonder how I even got to school without crying all the way, how I could laugh with some friends while we did some last minute cramming in the school cafeteria, how I managed to answer the questions and not murder anyone annoying along the way. All I wanted to do was to get back home and distribute the notices I made to get my fur ball back.

Anyway, long story cut short, Cino is now home after roaming around 3 housing areas. Three. I kid you not. This dog is mental and crazy fit, I wonder how she survived. Apparently she made friends with 2 strays and 2 other pet dogs. She came back all quiet and wasn't very responsive when we called to her, probably suffered a trauma or something.

She's back to normal. I think she had a rough time away from home those 29 hours. No matter, she's home now. Thank you God for keeping her safe.

Blessed Easter everyone!

Difference

You've taken the same road countless times that you know it like the back of your hand. There's that pebble hanging right by the edge of the tar road, and that white blob of excess white paint that was spilled. You even know the number of seconds each side of the traffic gets till the light turns green on your end again. That familiar billboard advert greets you every single time you stare out your car window.

Yet every time you take that same road, it just isn't the same as the last time you were there.

What's so different? You continue wondering.

Communication

Remember the good old days when we used simple language to convey our thoughts?

Example 1

"Mama I really really really love you."

"Really? How much?"

"This much!"

And then you proceed to stretching your arms as wide as your tiny toddling frame can go. Or if you've never done that before (cause you weren't a very cute little kid), maybe you remember this.

Example 2

"Which color do you like?"

"Red!"

Yes, of course I'm talking about crayons. Everyone had a history with crayons. Everyone. Anywho, back to my topic for today.

At my current age, many of us are heavily influenced by our peers, the radio, the telly, movies and, not to forget what connects us all, the internet. I'm pretty sure most of the topics of discussion we have come from these media too. Here are some examples of what we receive from these influences.

More examples

• "I wanna get wit' chu."
• "omgwtfbbq"
• "you betta hide yo daught'rs and hide yo wives."
• "you dun goof'd!"
• "haters to the left."
• "don't be a drag just be a queen."
• "Friday Friday we're gonna get high down on Friday."
• "My mum thinks LOL means lots of love. Today, my mum sent me a text that read 'Your grandma died today. LOL.' "

I just don't get it. Why. Pfft.

p/s: That last example is a personal favorite by the way. Got it off one of those sites where you like the link if it's relevant to you.

Ended a module today. It's weird that five modules are done already, I still feel like I haven't started too long ago.

I have a habit of blanking out sometimes cause I have really short daydreams. Today, about twenty minutes before my last lecture for the module was to end, it was raining really heavily outside that I could even hear the thunder from inside the building. The first thing that hit my mind was that the world was ending outside and here I am, still having a lecture while everyone was running around outside and the sky might have turned red or fallen down, I can't remember.

New beginnings #1

It's been a while since I've had the chance to pen everything down, so I've decided that sometimes I'll leave certain statements after having debates I have in my head just so I can keep track on how active my mind has been. Whoopee! No, not really. But if you do have time on your hands, consider with me won't you?

Without further ado, here is today's. Have fun, no stress and don't overwork yourselves!

"If you've lived long enough, you would know that there really isn't just black and white."

Fyi, comments are very much welcomed!

Vibes

Humans are smart creatures.

I say that because I know for a fact that humans can read these things called "vibes", these invisible and unspoken expressions that are somehow translated and received by others, sometimes unknowingly and other times on purpose.

During the past week, I got vibes from a couple of friends that I might have been using them as my means of transport too often and it shouldn't be a surprise to you that it didn't make me feel very nice at all. I also got vibes that I might be too proud or boastful, that I might be belittling some people, or even that I don't know when to keep my mouth shut.

Maybe it's just my receiving end that's gone wrong, maybe they are thinking that way, maybe I'm over-thinking things. One thing for sure is, something doesn't feel right and I don't like it not feeling right.

Blockage

You know those moments when you can't tell what you're feeling because apparently there are so many feelings that hit you all at once, you don't know which to reveal as the answer when someone asks you about it?

Jackson posing by a leaf-less plant in a huge pot.

Well, times like those call for a burst after blockage over a certain period. The "kraken is released"! Then all is well again.

Or at least, for now it is.