Fourteenth of October Two-Oh-Oh-Nine

"Round and round we go once again.
Where does it go, is there an end?"


Happy Birthday Mama.

THE crazy big fat Mama who said 'If I were crazy, you are too!" for every time I called her that. I miss your silly sayings - "Kencing kencing kencing" when nature called; "Mama die then you know" when you wanted to have our sweets even though you were diabetic - when you were still around. Your coin-purse is still full with your coins, I can't bear the thought of using your money cause you always made me pay you back every last cent I borrowed from you. I wish I could put on your socks for you one last time before you went to sleep at night or even put on the marching gloves I used for school just so you wouldn't be cold like the day I last heard you call me.

No, I won't cry about the time I made you and Papa quarrel so bad that I thought either one of you wouldn't stay in the house anymore; I won't laugh about the times you and Uncle Black spoke about different things without even listening to the other talk; I won't giggle at your powder puff and your "Hwang Yew" medicated oil you used all the time; I won't miss smelling that weird smell that used to come out of your side of the cupboard we shared; I won't think about how you always asked Bishop James(at that time) to bless you whenever he said mass; I won't imagine running my hand through your curly white hair and how disgusting the way it was when you took off your dentures; I won't ask mummy for that old wedding photo of yourself and Gonggong you used to boast oh so proudly all the time to us that your grandfather owns a road in JB; I won't even start on the way your face lit up everytime you spoke about any of us as your grandchildren.

None of all that, because you lived Mama. You lived. And for once I'd like for you to know that I'm darn well proud of you too. Rest well Mama, we love and miss you!

You describe me as a relaxed individual when you haven't even seen me get upset. I just hide it well that's all.

"I smile just because."
- John Mayer

Makes me wonder

On some days, I go around wondering if I'm really who I am or if I'm just looking on from two holes(my eyes) into someone's life.

Thinking is good, right?

"Maybe I'm amazed."

Badaboom

Shocking isn't it.


I meant my nail colour by the way.
Hah!

"We can drive home with one headlight."

edited

Feast thy eyes on my doggy dear, Cino! (Here you go Clara, say hi yourself!)
p/s : Many thanks to Mercy Sue aka Markey my soulmate for the pictures. I hope you find a better place to stay in Singapore soon.

Looks as though she has lipstick on or something :/

The moping dog that looks like a mop - pun intended

10

First version of
The List of 10 Things That Upset Me

1. Don't assume you know everything cause that irritates me.
2. Why do I have to deal with your stupid mood swings?
3. Don't give me that crap about your horrible day, I don't dig bad days.
4. Mentioning anything to do with my deceased sister doesn't make it the end of the world, I'm okay with talking about it.
5. I hate it when people make promises and don't keep them.
6. I hate it when I have to start conversations all the time.
7. I really don't like people talking to me when I'm watching a movie/video online.
8. I hate it that I can't walk my dog Cino everyday just cause I have to be in Singapore to attend lectures.
9. I actually don't like travelling alone but when I travel with company I don't talk much - I just like the company.
10. I don't like people being impolite to me cause it makes me want to gorge their eyes out, stab the retina and put it back in so it hurts.

Sorry, I'm just not a very happy kid right now.


"Are your heads still attached, you lousy brats?"

Five years till now

It's been five years.

On this very day five years ago,
I lost my eldest sister Lorraine.
What I do remember is that the night before she died I didn't bid her good night because I was angry at her. I was upset that my mum was speaking to her too nicely, I guess it was jealousy that took over.
I never got another chance to bid her goodnight ever again.
I feel inhumane, not being able to recall much of her anymore.
Every year I reread the article on her death, this year was no exception.
I never really got to cry, and I guess I never will.
It's been five years. Five.

And I'm still counting.

Losing one's loss

I was never one to keep in touch. Deep inside I hope you know that I do think about you. So even if I don't call you or leave you a text from time to time, even if I talk to your friends more than you, even if I don't seem to want to talk to you much when an opportunity arrives, even if you think I don't care, I do. I just don't do this staying in contact stuff. I've tried setting my mind to it and that failed miserably. Therefore please, don't assume what I don't feel.

It's been a long while and I've done much thinking since the last time I posted something. But for a while, I figured blogging isn't so interesting anymore. In fact, I actually felt burdened by the thought of having to type out what I have to say.

You never know what you lose till it's gone.

That's a line I've heard for countless times, every time I hear it again I stare at the person who said it straight in the eye and wonder what they've lost to believe in the authenticity of that phrase. The fact is this: we've all lost things of certain value to ourselves, but I've lost no more than you have. What we hold dear to our hearts are incomparable. So please, don't go around telling everyone how they can't understand even if it's true. And that's cause we're not you.

"Don't you think we ought to know by now?"
- John Mayer

B.I.D.

Here's a secret that's applicable to every single being in this world.

If you want to break someone, the easiest and second most effective way to do it would be to take what the person thinks they do best and bury them with destructive criticism and insults. The best option to take a person down, of course, would be to take that talent/skill they treasure the most from them.

For example, let's take a musician named X. See, X loves playing his cello. How would one break X?

Get a flight of stairs and push X down those stairs. So long as a part of his body which is required to play the cello is damaged beyond repair, presto! You've succeeded in bringing this person down. Of course, this option would take a certain level of hatred or dissatisfaction toward X, if there isn't a cold heart in you already.

The other option might sound more like a planned situation, but it happens. Let's say X goes for an audition held by a music college. Now X has been playing the cello from a very young age and has always dreamt of becoming a professional 'high-art' musician. If he gets accepted into the college, it'd be half the battle won already. He goes in the audition room, plays his pieces on his beloved cello and shuffles his feet while the party who called the audition deliberates amongst themselves. Let's assume the answer they give is a no, the reason being they feel X isn't ready, hasn't matured with his cello yet, so they tell him to come back next year for the next intake after 'maturing' with his cello in the time span of a year. How'd you think would react after that?

I'd like to hear from you guys through comments please. Thanks.