Same old

I hate it that I'm receiving more than I seemed to have given. No, I'm not talking about receiving good stuff. I'd be a silly goat to think that because that's how we humans work. We want to take and take and take all the good stuff; leave the rest to the rest. I don't understand what's really going on as I thought the 'talking it over' part was, well, over.

Don't you hate it sometimes when you've apologized for your mistakes already and it's as though you hadn't at all?

I don't know how I really am to people anymore for now. And shit, although I know I've made a mistake even I myself feel it's unjust to make me feel like I haven't reflected and said sorry. The word 'shit' can't even begin to cover how I feel towards myself at this moment. I bet the next thing I'm gonna be accused of acting like I'm the victim. I have reasons as to why I do things a certain way, if an apology doesn't help make you feel better then what other shit do you want me to do this is really trying my patience and i really did apologize already gawd what else do you want from me ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

I have not cried for a while, and I refuse to. I refuse to give you the reaction you expect me to give you.
If this is all but a test, I have a feeling I might not pass it even.
Mayhap John Mayer will keep me distracted from my work of stupidity bah


New discovered fact about myself:
I don't use punctuations in my typed sentences when I'm upset.


"I'm never speaking up again; it only hurts me."
- My Stupid Mouth, John Mayer

Ugly

Have I changed?


To be insensitive; to be called a hypocrite by another; to not feel sorry for being honest but rather feel sorry as to not direct the comment at the person being commented on; to feel like the lowliest dumbass of friends when all I had in mind was to make good use of money invested in me.


You know what the irony is? All this while I've been trying my hardest to trust others but this time I'm the one who has made someone lose their trust in me. And for now, just for now, I loathe the word.


"So scared of getting old, I'm only good at being young."
- John Mayer

Fourteenth of October Two-Oh-Oh-Nine

"Round and round we go once again.
Where does it go, is there an end?"


Happy Birthday Mama.

THE crazy big fat Mama who said 'If I were crazy, you are too!" for every time I called her that. I miss your silly sayings - "Kencing kencing kencing" when nature called; "Mama die then you know" when you wanted to have our sweets even though you were diabetic - when you were still around. Your coin-purse is still full with your coins, I can't bear the thought of using your money cause you always made me pay you back every last cent I borrowed from you. I wish I could put on your socks for you one last time before you went to sleep at night or even put on the marching gloves I used for school just so you wouldn't be cold like the day I last heard you call me.

No, I won't cry about the time I made you and Papa quarrel so bad that I thought either one of you wouldn't stay in the house anymore; I won't laugh about the times you and Uncle Black spoke about different things without even listening to the other talk; I won't giggle at your powder puff and your "Hwang Yew" medicated oil you used all the time; I won't miss smelling that weird smell that used to come out of your side of the cupboard we shared; I won't think about how you always asked Bishop James(at that time) to bless you whenever he said mass; I won't imagine running my hand through your curly white hair and how disgusting the way it was when you took off your dentures; I won't ask mummy for that old wedding photo of yourself and Gonggong you used to boast oh so proudly all the time to us that your grandfather owns a road in JB; I won't even start on the way your face lit up everytime you spoke about any of us as your grandchildren.

None of all that, because you lived Mama. You lived. And for once I'd like for you to know that I'm darn well proud of you too. Rest well Mama, we love and miss you!

You describe me as a relaxed individual when you haven't even seen me get upset. I just hide it well that's all.

"I smile just because."
- John Mayer

Makes me wonder

On some days, I go around wondering if I'm really who I am or if I'm just looking on from two holes(my eyes) into someone's life.

Thinking is good, right?

"Maybe I'm amazed."

Badaboom

Shocking isn't it.


I meant my nail colour by the way.
Hah!

"We can drive home with one headlight."

edited

Feast thy eyes on my doggy dear, Cino! (Here you go Clara, say hi yourself!)
p/s : Many thanks to Mercy Sue aka Markey my soulmate for the pictures. I hope you find a better place to stay in Singapore soon.

Looks as though she has lipstick on or something :/

The moping dog that looks like a mop - pun intended